when everything just caves in

MDIS Bachelor of Arts, Degree in Mass communications of Oklahoma University
is such a money sucker.

how much more have i yet to pay? how long can i last with the limiting finances??

1stly i fret over the school fees, which is the main factor that is suffocating my whole family. this huge amount of fees do nothing but creates arguments, anxiety, stress, distress, poorness, and tears.
....... a lot of times i wonder in order for myself to further my studies, is it worthwhile? was it a wrong decision after all to be in this course, to pay for what's more than we can afford? i've thrown it all away to study; i quitted my job and gave up the carefree life which i dont have to worry about money. i didnt realize how huge the impact will be and how much hardship i'll be suffering, until days after my classes began. i have walked this far, but yet i feel myself becoming weaker and more jaded while i walk down, so powerless against the strain of the burden.

2ndly, which is the secondary concern, is about my residency trip to oklahoma at end of this yr. this, is not subsidised by school and we have to fork out our own $ to pay for e air tix, the living expenses accomodations and all. AND it's not included in the sch fees. so it's like we are paying extra for it. thanks to it, i have more burdens now
--> no, i dont feel like borrowing e $$ frm my parents yet again. no, i cant afford it myself.
then how else am i gonna raise e $$ myself??!?!!

unless i tio 4d or toto. unless i sell my body for it (ERK, this is so cheap! NO I WONT DO TT, no worries) or unless i engage in some illegal activities. and unless i opt for a loan.

then.............. it dawned to me that, it's true u cannot do without money, true that it's difficult to resist it's temptation, true that with money, almost everything is possible to achieve, and true that money is the one of the most important assets in the world.

when i was younger, i rmb how shallow and materialistic i felt to those ppl were to think like this.

now i know. now i understand.
and now i become one of them..